Why Are You Crying?
by UxieSweetie
Summary: The day after joining the Recon Corps, Mikasa can't sleep. When she goes out to take a nighttime walk, she meets Jean, who is struggling with internal demons. (NSFW)


It was the night they first joined the Recon Corps. Of course being in a new place with new people, it would be understandable that Mikasa would wake in the night, slightly uncomfortable and homesick. She tossed and turned but couldn't find out how to fall asleep again, so she flipped the blanket off of her, planted her feet on the cold stone ground, and headed outside for a stroll around the Recon Corps headquarters.

The fabric of her pajamas fluttered in the wind, and now she'd wished she'd stayed inside, or at least brought Eren's scarf with her; which she usually did and couldn't figure out why she'd left it behind. The pajamas, albeit comfortable, provided little warmth as they were too thin to protect against the wind. She didn't go back just yet; her eyes were still wide awake and showed no signs of droopiness to warrant sleep. Mikasa tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear, and headed around by the courtyard, where she soon saw a figure sitting on a bench, staring out into nothingness. Instinctively she reached for her side, where the 3D gear usually was held, but she didn't bring it with her. She gulped, and called out to the figure. "Hello," was all she could really think to say right now.

The figure turned its head, and with the moonlight, she could tell it was Jean. Mikasa approached him and sat beside him. "Are you alright?" She asked. Jean nodded. "Why are you out here?"

"Couldn't sleep." Jean replied, gazing back at nothing in particular, as he had been before. Mikasa should have known, that's why she was up. His hands were crossed across his chest, and he somewhat leaned away from Mikasa, not really meeting her gaze at all.

Mikasa let her arms fall to her sides, and took in a deep breath. "It's weird, being here. I never thought about actually being here." She spoke. "I mean, I knew I'd follow Eren, but now that I'm actually here, I'm starting to wonder if I made the right choice." Jean didn't reply. "Why are you here?" His mouth remained shut. "You said you wanted to go into the Military Police. Why did you join the Recon Corps? Jean?" He blinked. "Jean?"

Jean drew in a shaky breath before responding. "I don't want to be here. I really don't. I'm here because…" he paused. Mikasa leaned towards him, trying to read the expression on his face, which was difficult since he'd turned away from her. Then, almost inaudibly, he whispered, "Please don't die." That sent a shiver up Mikasa's spine.

"What are you talking about?" Mikasa asked, and reached over to place her hand on his shoulder, and felt he was trembling. "Are you alright?" Jean's breathing got heavier, and it was apparent to Mikasa that he was crying, silently, nearly emotionlessly. She scooted closer to him and placed her hand on his cheek, practically forcing him to look at her. Indeed, he was crying, and Mikasa reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, drawing him into a tight hug. He buried his face in her neck and wrapped his arms around her tightly, crying silently into her. "Why are you crying?" She asked finally.

"It's nothing…" Jean's mind immediately flickered to Marco's corpse and the moment when he saw it, the moment he realized it was his friend, and he clutched onto Mikasa tighter. "It's nothing." Mikasa let him go and stared him square in the eyes with her usual nonchalant expression.

"You're lying to me." She hummed. "People just don't cry for nothing. Are you depressed? Worried? Anxious? Homesick?" Jean turned away from her again. "Jean, tell me. Are you stressed? Scared? Angry?"

Jean huffed. "Leave it alone."

"You need to tell someone." Mikasa's voice began to grow louder.

"Stop it!"

"Jean."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Jean exploded, leaving Mikasa silent where she sat. Jean was visibly shaken and trembled hard. "Just shut up."

Mikasa stood and began walking away. Jean looked after her, and mentally punched himself. He could swear that he felt the weight of the entire planet crushing down on him, and struggled to his feet to follow her. "Mikasa, wait. Please, don't leave me…" He cried out desperately, and fell to his knees. He gripped the bottom of her pajama pants, hoping she would stop; and she did. "Don't leave me alone, I'm so scared…" Mikasa turned to look at him, a bit of sadness in her own eyes. Jean was a proud man, and seeing him crumbling into something so distraught wasn't something she liked to see. "I'm so sorry, Mikasa."

She huffed and sat on the ground in front of him. "What are you afraid of?" She asked calmly. Jean looked away again, holding his knees up to his chest, and folding his arms across them as if creating a barrier. "Jean." Mikasa said sternly. "You can tell me. I won't tell anybody. Not Armin, not Eren, not Reiner; no one."

"I can't protect everyone." Jean said quietly, so quietly that Mikasa had to practically strain to hear him. When she realized what he had said it broke her heart.

"You don't need to protect everyone." She said.

"Like they can protect themselves? I thought that you would understand at least that! Following Eren around, I'm surprise YOU'RE still alive! I thought Marco could handle himself and guess what!"

Mikasa frowned. "Is that what this is about?"

Jean trembled under the weight of truth, curled his knees closer towards himself. "I don't even know what happened…" he breathed. "I don't even know what's going on anymore. I just wanted to be a normal kid, and grow up without having to worry about whether or not I'm going to die or whose body I'll find vomited up in the streets, or if they're even still on one piece, or..." he had to stop talking and give himself time to breathe, and he found himself sobbing out half the words. Mikasa placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Relax. Breathe. It's not your fault." Mikasa hummed. Jean leaned forward and rested his forehead against her shoulder, though it probably was a bit odd considering that they were a little farther apart than he'd anticipated, neither of them particularly cared. Mikasa stroked the nape of his neck, and just let him sit there. Jean breathed heavily for a while, trying to calm the anger he felt inside, towards himself. Mikasa sat there, still, murmuring little coos of comfort, such as 'it'll be ok,' and 'don't worry'.

Jean exhaled a quavering "Thank you," to which Mikasa replied with a small smile, and for some reason she couldn't really understand, she leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Jean's lips. Jean pulled away instinctively since it was rather out of the norm for this to happen, not that it ever really did happen, but muttered a swift apology before returning the kiss with equal gentleness. Mikasa placed her hands on Jean's shoulders, and pulled him closer to her. Jean leaned in closer to deepen the kiss, though couldn't quite complete it fully. He let out a loud, mournful cry; he could feel his barriers drop, and felt exposed to the truth, and it hurt him.

"It's alright, Jean." Mikasa whispered. Jean's sobs came out in droves, but that didn't hinder him. He forced through them. His lips crushed into hers in a manner that one could almost consider eloquent, and trailed his tongue across as if asking permission to enter; which Mikasa obliged. Jean took several minipauses to take in air or to let out sobs. Mikasa would, every so often, bring her hands up to his face to wipe the tears away, though more would replace the ones lost.

After a while, Jean's lips moved from Mikasa's lips across her left cheek, and then down until they reached her neck, where they did nothing more than plant small kisses; Mikasa was not property and therefore he had no desire to mark her, or show ownership as most people would have. She admired him for that, and that is why she let him take his time. She let him take things slow. Normally, she would have thought he was a rambunctious teenager with the libido of a jackrabbit, but this wasn't anything she expected. Whether it was the emotion holding him back, or the fact she may just have misjudged, she didn't care. She liked this.

Mikasa gripped Jean's right hand, and guided it along the hem of her pajama shirt, purposely allowing the tips of his fingers to fall underneath and touch her skin. She could feel Jean tremble as she did this, and she urged him to, though wasn't forceful about it. After a moment of mental preparation, Jean allowed himself to feel her skin, feel every curve, every breath she inhaled; that's what he loved to feel, the expansion of Mikasa's sides as she drew a breath in and compressions as she forced breath out. She was so alive, and he could not appreciate her any more than he did right now for just being here. She was here, she was alive, and she was beautiful.

Jean didn't rush to her breasts. He felt her breathe for several moments. He wanted to memorize this; the feeling of her breathing, her ribcage beneath his fingers, and glancing up at her. A small strand of hair near her mouth fluttered whenever she exhaled. In fact, he was so mesmerized that he had forgotten what was going on, and was simply resting his head on Mikasa's shoulder. "Are you alright, Jean?" Mikasa asked, pulling him back to coherency.

"Y-yes." He replied, his voice cracking in the process. He mentally slapped himself. How dare he ruin this moment with stargazing? No, it wasn't ruined. She didn't leave, or push him away, or object. This was good. Great; and with that in mind, Jean snapped back to reality. He planted a few more kisses to her neck before returning to her lips, his right hand trailing slowly up her side to reach her breast, his left hand just holding her close to him. Mikasa's hands, in that time, managed to slip beneath his shirt to rest against the small of his back. He was so warm, though it was normal since males usually have higher body temperatures, and her fingers were so cold, she wondered how he didn't shy away from her touch. She hadn't made a peep since this began, disregarding her voiced concern for Jean, until Jean's hand caressed her chest. His thumb grazed her nipple once, before Jean summed up the courage to grip the bottom of her shirt. He looked at her with complete eye contact, and warranted her small smile as the ok to proceed.

Jean lifted the thin material over Mikasa's head, and she immediately shivered at the cold air flowing against her skin. "Are you too cold?" Jean asked. Mikasa shook her head, but Jean ignored her and took off his own shirt to give to her. He didn't really know why, she could have just put her own back on. Mikasa took the shirt, balled it up, and discarded it with hers. This is when Jean was fully aware of the woman before him. He took in a breath as he gazed over her, admiring every small detail. Her skin was a pale ivory tinted by the moonlight in contrast to her midnight black hair, tritoned by her grey eyes. Nothing was wrong, aside from a small scar across her collarbone, which may or may not have resulted from Titan fighting. Even then, it was not a flaw; it was part of her, and it was perfect.

Mikasa noticed his gaze, and lifted a hand instinctively to cover the scar. It wasn't that big, a couple millimeters wide, and only two or three centimeters long, nothing drastic. "We've all got scars." Jean hummed. He moved her hand and leaned down to kiss the scar. Out of anything so far she could have had the opportunity to blush at, this was what got her. She didn't have the heart to tell Jean the scar was from a wrestling match she and Eren had when they were just barely ten, when they'd accidentally wrestled themselves into a thorn bush.

It didn't matter. Jean wrapped his arms around Mikasa and pulled her close to him, tightly, their chests crushing against each other. Mikasa was the one to press her lips to Jean's. He let out a small squeak of surprise, and followed it up with a small nip at Mikasa's lower lip. Another chill ran down Mikasa's spine, but not because of the cool air. She could feel her own front failing, and she let it slip. This wasn't the time to be serious; well, it was, but not in the way she was used to. The setting and situation required something more on the sensual side. A light moan escaped her lips, and that itched at Jean's ears. He smiled against her, his hands trailing from her back down to her hips, and even lower still.

Mikasa's hands explored Jean's body, feeling every muscle he'd acquired since their first year of training. Mikasa had muscle also, though it wasn't quite as defined as Jean's. Her fingers trailed along Jean's back, arms, abdomen, and then back to his back, though not without her nails dragging across his skin to leave small pink marks in their wake.

Another moan flooded the air, though this time from Jean's throat. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't becoming aroused by this. He had been for a while and was surprised Mikasa hadn't noticed; or, if she did, she didn't feel the need to point it out. Not that this particular thing wasn't pointed out already. Jean gripped Mikasa's backside, and lifted her onto his lap in a way that she was now straddling him. She bit her lip when she felt Jean's hardness against her own wetness, which she only noticed right now. "Jean…" She moaned.

"Huh?" He replied in his usual, yet for some reason obnoxious, loud voice.

"It's nothing. I just wanted to hear you talk again." She smiled, even though she was hoping to hear actual words as opposed to odd sound effects. It was all the same to her.

Jean looked at her for a long while, before kissing at her neck again. Mikasa's left hand drew towards the center of Jean's pajama pants and the hard organ inside them. She quavered a bit, but steadied herself enough to allow the tips of her fingers to brush against the fabric. The light touch was enough to send a rather heavy shiver through Jean's entire body and elicit a moan from his lips. Mikasa allowed herself to stroke the bulging fabric, and this time Jean's breath hitched in his throat. "M-Mikasa." He breathed.

Mikasa smirked at his reaction. Jean responded with stroking the center of her pants as well. Though she was aroused, her result wasn't as strong as Jean's. A smaller shiver went through her. "Jean." She moaned. He smirked. He grazed the sensitive areas between her thighs, and the more he stroked, the more she did. The more she did, the more he did.

Their breathing became heavy, and Jean's lips dipped from Mikasa's down to her chest. His tongue swirled lightly around one of her nipples, his spare hand reaching up to play with the other. Mikasa drew in a sharp breath; the mixture of having her chest played with as well as her nethers made her whole body hot. "J-Jean…Jean."

"Hm?"

She clutched his shoulders for support. Words were unable to form before the heat inside her exploded, and she came, quietly to not wake anyone. Her hips pressed into Jean's hand as her orgasm came, and he continued to rub her throughout her climax. Once it subsided, Mikasa sat there for a moment, shaking and breathing heavily. She buried her face in Jean's neck, and her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. "Are you ok?" Jean asked. Mikasa nodded. And after a few seconds of breathing, her heart rate was back to normal.

Mikasa didn't say anything, but she looked Jean in the eyes as she tugged at her waistband. Jean's eyes widened and his heart, which was already beating faster than normal, pumped even faster. His face turned bright red when she fully removed her bottoms. She wasted no time, and took her undergarments with the pants. Mikasa, though now extremely chilly, was sitting before him in nothing but flesh. He bit his lip a bit too hard and drew a small amount of blood.

"You're beautiful." He whispered. Mikasa smiled. She gripped Jean's pants as well, pulling them down excruciatingly slowly. After she removed his pants, she gazed upon him, which had him turning away with slight embarrassment.

Mikasa gripped his hand. "So are you." She pulled him in close, and wrapped her legs around his waist. She pressed her lips against his and lapped up the small amount of blood Jean had inflicted upon himself. The two shuddered when their nether regions met. They could feel each other's bodies shake, a mixture of anticipation and anxiousness within them both. "Let me know when you're ready." Mikasa instructed. Jean raised an eyebrow.

"Shouldn't it be you who should tell me?"

"Let me know when you're ready." Mikasa repeated. Jean chuckled.

"I'm ready whenever you are." With that said, Mikasa lifted herself slightly off of Jean's lap to position herself above his member. She took in a deep breath and held it as she lowered herself. Jean tightened his arms around her to support her. "D-does it hurt?" He asked softly. Mikasa had already become rather moist since their foreplay, which sent an immediate chill through Jean's body.

Mikasa didn't reply. She was too busy concentrating on the sudden intrusion inside her. It didn't take long, however, for her to become adjusted. "I'm alright now." She spoke quietly. Jean didn't move for another few seconds, just to be sure, but when he did move he elicited a light sigh from Mikasa's lips. Jean smiled and pressed his lips to her throat. Mikasa ran her hands along Jean's back as their hips moved with each other. The series of Jean's moans and huffs were enough to spark another round of arousal in Mikasa. She felt the same familiar tingle as she had before, though it came on a lot stronger than the first.

Jean moved his lips to Mikasa's again, then up to kiss her eyelids. "Mikasa." He whispered. "Mikasa." He enjoyed saying her name, and each time he did he'd thrust his hips upward causing moans from the woman above him, and they grew louder each time.

Her fingers traced down a long scar down Jean's back; how she managed to miss it was beyond her, but that's when reality set in: they were just teenagers. They were merely teenagers born in a world of fear and soldiers. Kill or be killed. Be soldiers or breed soldiers. They lived in a world where they had to grow up too fast, watch their friends die to protect a king who more than likely could not give a damn about them for a war that seemed to have no end. Her heart had shattered. Tears spilled from her eyes.

Jean must have had at least similar thoughts, as she could feel moisture dripping from his face onto hers. She clutched to Jean for comfort, who responded with clutching to her. It wasn't long after that Mikasa's inner heat overflowed and she, without muffling herself at all, screamed Jean's name into the night sky.

It wasn't long afterwards that Jean's inner heat grew to capacity, and then overflowed. Jean pulled Mikasa's body off of him as he came, a sequence of moans ripped from his throat, spilling his liquid onto the ground rather than on or in Mikasa. The two came down from their highs one after the other, Mikasa first followed by Jean. They didn't wait for their breathing to become stable before holding each other, consoling one another. They seemed to have sat there for well up to an hour just crying into each other.

Jean saw the clouds beginning to turn orange. Mikasa had fallen asleep in his arms, and to his dismay they were both still naked. He maneuvered in a way that he grabbed his shirt, which was fairly long, and was able to pull it on Mikasa without any objections from her. He also somehow managed to pull his pants on, and carry the sleeping woman to her room, her bed, where he tossed the blanket on top of her. Yawning, he headed off to his respected dorm.

Not even an hour later, the wake-up call rang.


End file.
